4:23 P.M. Friday. July 31st. That's the exact moment when my daughter's heart broke. It was the most surreal moment of my entire life sitting there watching it all happen knowing I was powerless to stop it.
My wife and I are getting separated after nine years of marriage. Our issues have become too much for us to deal with together so we've chosen to work on them separately while living apart. We don't know if this will help reconcile the deep seeded problems between us. However, what we do know is that we can no longer live under the same roof and fight like we do in front of the kids. It's not fair to them and it's not fair to us.
So, back to my daughter... I sat there, as we broke the news to them, watching her intensely. I knew this was going to be hardest on her. She's only seven but is very intelligent and knows what's going more so than I think we give her credit for. I listened as Mommy broke the news that Daddy would no longer be living at our house. I watched tears start to well up in her eyes and her chin begin to quiver. A part of me died that very instant. I watched as she processed what Mommy was saying and saw the devestation in her eyes when the realization set in. All I could do to comfort her was stroke her little knee and tell her how sorry I was that this was happening. Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I tried to reassure her that none of this was her fault and that both Mommy and Daddy loved her very much.
My son was also in attendance but seemed very aloof with the news. He's only four so we knew it wouldn't affect him quite the way it would with my daughter.
After the therapist left the room, we both began to ask our daughter if she had any questions or concerns regarding the upcoming changes. She had a hard time making eye contact and difficulty in keeping her chin from quivering while leaning into us both for hugs of reassurance. It was devastating to witness but made all the more tragic since we were the ones who had just put her in this position. She could only muster, "I want to go in the other room and play." Avoidance, it seemed, was how she was going to process it for the time being. She did however tell us she loved us as she walked out of the room with tears streaming down her little cheeks.
It's an image and a moment I don't believe I'll ever forget. Knowing that we were the ones who did this to our little girl will stay with me forever. I don't know how we can make things right. Hell, I don't even know if we can ever reconcile our differences and become a whole family once again. But, I swear that I will let my kids know I love them every day and do everything in my power not to have to endure another experience like this.
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